


And If I Believe You (Will That Make It Stop?)

by rainy_fangirl



Series: songfics [6]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Blood and Gore, Character Death, F/M, Mutually Unrequited, POV Multiple, Songfic, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-01 13:36:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainy_fangirl/pseuds/rainy_fangirl
Summary: "If I told you I need you, is that what you want?"It wasn’t love, it was an empty promise. It was a cold side of a bed. Their love was the countless untouched cups of black coffee, that Gray had either forgotten or hadn’t been there to drink.





	And If I Believe You (Will That Make It Stop?)

_{And if I believe you}_

 

Her eyes spoke the lies before Gray could voice them, the reluctant, late summer wind chilling them both more than it should have. War, they were going to war, and Juvia… Juvia was still in love with him, despite the warning signs. Despite everything. Gray was used to be wanted, lusted after, even, but loved? No, not since Deliora had fucked up everything he’d cared about. He couldn’t help but poke holes in her arguments, finding the tiny lies in the truth. Juvia didn’t love him, she loved the idea of him. The difference was something she refused to acknowledge, an infinite divide of trauma, she didn’t love him, not really. Gray loved nothing, Juvia loved her fantasy, they were both doomed.

  
_{Would that make it stop?}_

 

Waiting for Gray was a part of everyday life. It had been like this for years, whether it be jobs, nights when they were supposed to be hanging out, or now, as she stood in front of the kitchen window (It was raining), and waited for him to come home. Part of Juvia wanted to hate him, hate this domestic hole she’d dug for herself. Nobody had come to visit her, Gajeel too busy with council work, everyone else concerned with their own adventures she doesn’t know the details of. Juvia had to beg Gray to let her in. Looking back, it had been pathetic, but she’d been crying on his doorstep for years, why stop now? Yes, seventeen year-old Juvia had been stupid, but so had seventeen year old Gray. And now, as a woman who should have been twenty-six, but is only nineteen, she can’t believe she’s taken it this far, this ‘love’, if it could be called that. It was pining, a want to love him, to marry him. She wouldn’t know what it was like, to love him, he wouldn’t let her. Juvia knows his scars, (all too well, she’s bandaged them too many times before) she can understand why he won’t. No, can’t. Gray is kind (despite all he tries to deny it), he wouldn’t make her cry on purpose (she knows this from all the times he’d held her while her tears stained his shoulder). If he could love her, he would, Juvia tells herself. He’d heal, eventually. She sips her tea in front of the rain spattered window, wondering when he’d come home.

 

_{ if I told you I need you?}_

 

Gray would come back, and she would forgive him, and they would start again. He didn’t mind leaving her, keeping Juvia waiting for months on end, but...home felt so far away, and for not the first time, he wishes he could say it, to come clean. Things weren’t that easy. Loving her wasn’t that easy. Gray had grappled with this idea too many times. Juvia was too much, too present, too open. She wasn’t needy, per se, but having her there, expecting so much, was enough. She made him feel like an asshole, in the plainest sense, and the worst part was, Juvia didn’t care. She was his unconditional, his always. Juvia was his heartbeat. Something he couldn’t believe he could (try) living without. Gray wasn’t the ‘feeling’ type, at all, in fact. But here, in the basement of a cult, for God’s sake, her on his mind, Gray’s vulnerable. Juvia was waiting (furious, undoubtedly), the girl waiting at home who she’d never wanted to be. They detest how they make each other feel; helpless and drowning and waiting. The endless waiting, like waves on the ocean; drawing in and pulling away at pieces of them. They were in love, in the loosest, most catch-all sense of the word. It wasn’t love, it was an empty promise. It was a cold side of a bed. Their love was the countless untouched cups of black coffee, that Gray had either forgotten or hadn’t been there to drink. They seemed to have two sides, now that he thought of it. Forgotten, or not there, or maybe both. Gray was starting to give up, give in, when he couldn’t say yes and couldn’t say no, what was the point of pretending? He wished she was there.

  
_{Is that what you want?}_

 

Dying wasn’t as painful as she had expected, maybe it was the sacrifice that made it easier. Juvia was covered in blood, so much blood, both hers and not. The ice was melting, surrounding her in shades of blue and red. Gray didn’t want her to die, and that was something. She felt she could die happy because of it. Juvia had always been there for him, but she’d missed so much. His blackened fingertips, the reasons for his aloofness. She knew the simple things: how he took his coffee (black), his favorite scent (lavender), and just how he felt about her (Gray wished she’d go away). This was her way of being worthy, he had given his life for her before (several times, actually), but she had hardly risked anything. He had laid down his life for her, out of guilt, no doubt, more than once. And Juvia? She’d sat idly by, a girl forever pining. Now, as she laid on the ground, vision blurry with irreparable injuries, muttering incantations to save his life, it was all worth it. She would die, again and again, in hopes that he’d survive. Without a second thought, unconditionally. It was only Gray’s to take. The words take time to come out, Juvia’s practically choking on blood. “My life...It was only ever yours to take, Gray-sama.” She insists on the honorific, even at the end, an inch away from death; Juvia will show her love, her respect for Gray, as another member of Fairy Tail, until the end. And so she does.

  
_{And I'm broken and bleeding, and begging for help}_

 

Her hair was sticky, matted with blood. It dripped down his wrist. Last breaths shaky, exhausted. Her life for his, the hole in his abdomen had already closed up. Late. He had been too late. Juvia had died thinking, knowing her feelings were unrequited. She had died alone, on a battlefield. Heroically, sure, if there was any heroism in self-sacrifice and dying young. Here he was, to pick up the pieces of things that had been broken since before their time. Love hadn’t worked out in the past, why should it now? Irreparable. The injuries were deep, her magic was gone. There was probably more damage than what he was seeing, the frostbitten burns lacing her neck were just the beginning. Juvia Lockser was dead, he had to face his consequences. There was bread at home, she’d left it for when they returned, too sick and tired to cook for themselves. Gray had promised her an answer, and now here he was, waiting on a corpse, screaming at it, really. Needing her was a second thought, something only realized now he was elbow deep in her blood, trying to close the wounds on her already cold body. He realized he loved her when Wendy arrived, working her young, delicate fingers, tugging the skin back together. When she found a fluttering pulse, he kissed her forehead, promising her he would be back soon. He lied.

  
_{And I'm asking you, Jesus: show yourself}_


End file.
